


Missed opportunities

by MyPandaEatsBroccoli



Series: Putting their friendship first [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Akumatized!Marinette, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mentions of Attempted Suicide, POV Adrien Agreste, POV Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Partial Identity Reveal, Relationship Advice, Self-Doubt, akuma!marinette, putting their friendship first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2019-11-08 05:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17975423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyPandaEatsBroccoli/pseuds/MyPandaEatsBroccoli
Summary: Chat has decided to give up on Ladybug. Marinette has decided to try the friends-to-lovers approach with Adrien.What could go wrong?





	1. It began 6 years ago

**Author's Note:**

> I meant for this to be a one shot but then I realized it was getting quite long.. so i decided to divide it into four maybe five chapters? We’ll see what happens I guess :) 
> 
> Tags will be added as we go as to not spoil anything

Marinette were practically buzzing with excitement as they approached the Agreste Mansion. After two years, Adrien had finally managed to receive permission for the four friends to have a sleepover at his house.

Alya threw her arm around Marinette. “So M, repeat after me. I. Will. Tell. Him. Tonight. ” Nino rolled his eyes, while Marinette glared at her best friend. 

“Alya I’ve told you, I’m not sure I even _like_ like him. I might just have a crush _the idea of him_. So I’m starting as friends to see if something develops from that.” Marientte shrugged. “I’ve already done two years of crushing and nothing’s come out of it so it’s time to try something else. If nothing happens, well I’m happy just being his friend.”

Nino chuckled and stole Marinette away from his girlfriend, putting his own arm across Marinette’s shoulders. “Good plan, dudette.” He grinned. “You can talk to him without running away now so that’s a good start.”

“And talk in full sentences.” Alya added, laughing. 

“And notice him without falling down the stairs.” Nino continued.

“And and hug him without setting off the fire alarm.”

“And..”

“Aaaaand we get it.” Marinette cut Nino off by shrugging off his arm, racing the last steps to the gate and ringing the doorbell. She stuck her tongue out at her laughing friends as the gates opened. “I think we can conclude I’m way less of a mess now around our resident Sunshine Boy.”

They laughed together as they walked the final steps to the front door, as it suddenly open to reveal a grinning blond boy.

“Guys! You made it!” Adrien cheered. 

More laughter escaped his three friends.

“Dude! Excited much?” Nino chuckled. 

The grin on Adrien’s face widened. 

“You have NO idea, dude.” He said as he all but dragged them to his room. 

———

A gaming marathon, three pizzas and two movies later they were feeling the high from soda and energy drinks. 

Alya has her head in Nino’s lap, launching on the couch, both scrolling on their phones. Marinette was on her stomach on a mountain of pillows on the floor, reading a book. Adrien was leaning his back against the side of the couch, looking towards the ceiling.

”Hey guys?” Adrien began. 

“Hm?” Alya and Nino looked up from their phones. 

“Can I ask you for some advice?”

Marinette closed her book and supported her head with her hands, looking at the blond. 

“What’s up dude?” Nino asked. 

Was that a blush on Adrien’s cheeks?

“Well...” 

Marientte sat up. Whatever this was about was sure to need her full attention. She could already feel a sense of foreboding.

The blond boy closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

“How do I get a girl to fall in love with me?” 

Three jaws dropped. 

Marinette felt her heart sink. 

_Oh._

“It’s just...” Adrien continued. “There’s this girl that I.. work with. And I’ve liked her for a while but she doesn’t feel the same. I mean I’ve tried everything to get her to like me back but nothing has worked.“ 

Marinette was lost for words. 

_What? When? How?_

_Back up! Adrien LIKES someone?_

“Then I realized I should just accept that she doesn’t like me the same way and move on. I mean, she’s told me several times, but I guess it didn’t really occur to me before now that I never stood a chance on becoming for than friends with her.”

He grimaced. “I’ve been sort of a jerk about it actually. Luckily she’s the forgiving kind so we can still be friends despite everything.” 

Marinette’s felt her head spinning. 

_Adrien.. a jerk? Is that even possible?_

Adrien let out a dark chuckle and buried his head in his arms on top of his knees.

“Guess anime and movies aren’t the best source for knowledge about love stuff after all. Too much hope and empty promises.” 

Hearing the despair in their friend’s voice, all three shook themselves from their stupor. 

“Her loss dude!” Nino pats his bro’s shoulder. 

“Sounds like she doesn’t deserve you, Sunshine.” Alya sits up and ruffles Adrien’s blond mop of hair.

Marinette doesn’t know what to say. She’s never seen this side of Adrien. So... broken. He likes someone. _Really_ likes someone. And by the sound of it he’d told her on several occasions. And she’d rejected him. Who was stupid enough to reject this amazing boy?

A glimmer of hope started to grow i her heart but she quickly punched it down. Now was _not_ the time. Sad Adrien took priority over her silly dreams of a married life, three kids and a hamster. 

_I should say something. What should I say? I don’t know what to say!!_

She started to panic. The other two had said something comforting so maybe she should as well. 

“Maybe she’ll come around? I mean you’re amazing.. Amazingly KIND! And nice and funny and she has to realize this...” 

_What am I saying? Mouth! Stop! Talking!_

Marinette felt her heart drop at the resigned look on Adrien’s face as he turned to her, a sad smile on his lips.

“Thanks Mari. I appreciate your optimism, but she likes someone else.“ 

“Getting back to your question.” Nino cleared his throat, trying to lift the heavy atmosphere. “Sadly, there’s no trick to get someone to like you.” 

Alya nodded. “If you want a lasting relationship, all you have to do is be yourself.”

Adrien looked at them with disbelief. “Be myself.. That’s it?” 

“Yeah, when someone likes you for who you really are, faults and all, those are the relationships that lasts a long time.” Marinette agreed. Her own parents were the best example of two people loving each other unconditionally and continuing to work on keeping their relationship strong. 

Alya nodded. “M is right. If she’s right for you, she’ll fall in love with you just being you.” 

“And then you can be as goofy as you want and she’ll love you all the better for it.” Nino winked at his bro, as Alya punched him in the arm. 

Adrien chuckled.

“That’s sounds wonderful.” 

Marinette gathered her courage and added. 

“You’re wonderful Adrien so I’m sure you’ll find her one day.” 

This earned her a happy grin from the blond.

“Thank you, Mari. You’re such an awesome friend.”


	2. Late night sorrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien’s reaction to the advice he was given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger alert. His thoughts becomes very heavy for a moment. Implied self-hurt.

Adrien buried himself deeper in his sleeping bag. His friends had all fallen asleep around him. They were good friends. 

_Be myself, huh?_

He sighed as he stared up at the ceiling. Ladybug didn’t want to know his real self. She never had. 

Adrien could see why. She had family and friends to protect. Knowing each other’s identity would put her loved ones in danger. He... well now that he had friends who actually cared for him he could understand her being so adamant about it. 

He knew he would have to keep his promise to her and try to move on. 

It would be hard but he would do it, but she was too important to loose because of his stupid stalker-crush.

Her friendship meant more to him than anything. 

He blinked away the tears forming in his eyes. He knew it was for the best. So why did it hurt so much? 

As silently as he could, he crawled out of the sleeping bag and made his way to the bathroom. 

Carefully closing the door behind him, locking it, he stood in front of the sink. A blond boy with sad green eyes stared back at him. 

_Be myself..._

_Myself._

_Who am I?_

Adrien Agreste, the perfect model son. Chat Noir, leather-clad superhero. 

_Which it my real self?_

His eyes watered again. 

_Neither._

Both of them were masks. No one ever bothered to get to know who _he_ really was. Not even himself. Too busy trying to be perfect for everyone else. 

His hands gripped the edges of the sink, his knuckles turning white from the force. 

He wanted to scream, but he didn’t want to wake his friends. 

He wanted to punch his mirror image, but he didn’t want to be scolded by Nathalie about emotion control. Again.

He wanted to hurt himself, but he didn’t want to be lectured by his father about being an image for the company. Again.

All he could do was cry. 

At least puffy eyes could be hidden the next day. 

—————

Plagg phased through the bathroom door, knowing he would find a sobbing kitten on the floor. Quietly, he sat down on his chosen’s shoulder. Making himself comfortable, he did the only thing he knew that would help. He started purring. 

A small chuckle escaped the boy and he was rewarded with a pet on the head. 

The tears didn’t stop however.

They never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish everyone everywhere would only have sunshine in their life, but unfortunately most of us has rain clouds, fog or even an eclipse throwing darkness over our lives. At least at some point or another. If you think you are alone with insecurities or hardships, please know you are NOT alone. Every single human being has hardships in their life, one way or another, even those who’s lives seem “perfect”. 
> 
> And if you ever felt the urge to hurt yourself in any way, please talk to someone about it. There are people out there who want to help. Please let them. 
> 
> Wish you all sunshine and a warm cup of hot chocolate <3


	3. 2 years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years have passed since their first sleepover at Adrien’s and the friends are now about 18 years old. Today they are meeting up for brunch and Marinette has plans.

Today was the day. 

She was going to ask him. 

She was going to ask him out. 

Marinette brushed on some mascara as she hummed along to the music playing on her phone. Her hair bounced around her head in big curls, still warm from the curling iron. 

She dabbed on some lipgloss and stood back to examine the result. She’d opted for a light blue summer dress with pink florals that she’d recently finished, paired with white pumps and a silver necklace. 

“You look amazing, Marinette.” Her kwami smiled as she held out a couple of hair pins for her chosen. Marinette took them and pulled one side of her hair up slightly and fastened it with the pins. 

“Thank you Tikki.” She smiled back.

Looking at her phone she realized was running late, again. The girl quickly grabbed her small bag and ran down the stairs, only to run back up again.

“Tikki are you coming?” She asked sheepishly. 

Tikki giggled and flew in to the opened bag. 

Then they were out the door and rushing to the cafe where she was supposed to meet her friends for brunch. 

————— 

Why did akumas always have the _worst_ timing? They were having such a good time and Hawkmoth just had to send a butterfly to a grumpy old man getting angry at some noisy kids. Now Silencer went on a rampage through town and shooting people with a beam, making them completely silent. 

Ladybug couldn’t help her smile though. Chat, chivalrous as always, had taken a hit for her earlier and his puns was but a memory. Which was just as well, she thought, because he was in a really good mood today and a happy Chat was a punning Chat. She adored her partner but she could swear his puns were getting worse and worse each year. 

Quietly, she called for her Lucky Charm and gained a megaphone. She smirked. Well, for once the item was straightforward.

She whispered her plan to Chat, who nodded and slipped away to sneak behind the akuma. 

Noticing her partner was in place, Ladybug stood up from her hiding place and yelled through the megaphone.

“HEY GRANDPA! OVER HERE!”

The akuma immediately turned to her with an angry scowl. 

“Give me your miraculous, you insolent girl.”

“Nah, I’m good.” She shrugged.

Suddenly, Chat came out of nowhere and snatched away the akumatized hearing aid and broke it with his Cataclysm. 

Ladybug quickly captured the butterfly, purifying it before throwing the megaphone up in the air, calling for the Miraculous Cure. 

A fist bump later they were off to transform back.

————

“What happened to you guys?” Nino asked as soon as Marinette sat down at the table next to Adrien. 

“Huh?” 

Alya nodded. “You both were gone for like thirty minutes.” 

Adrien had also been gone?

“I got lost in social media?” Marinette giggled nervously. 

“Nathalie called about a last-minute photo shoot tonight.” Adrien shrugged.

Alya and Nino shared a look but let the issue drop.

“Anyhow.. Adrien, you said before that you had news to share?” Nino said as he took a sip from his tea. 

Adrien’s smiled brightened and he nodded. “Yeah! Guys, I have something to tell you.”

Marinette couldn’t help a small sigh of contentment escape her at the look of his sunny smile. These last two years they’d grown closer, albeit as friends but that was a start, right? She’d gotten to know more of the different sides to the gentle boy she used to idolize. He was still the same kind and generous boy, but the last year or so he’d started showing his friends more than ‘the perfect model’. Marinette knew now that he loved to goof around, was dense as a rock and had terrible humor. But he also got incredibly happy for seemingly insignificant things and his genuine laugh was immensely contagious. Not to mention their monthly get-togethers usually ended up with them laughing and bantering about the TV game, while Nino and Alya made out on the couch. 

She had a good feeling about today. 

“Or rather... I have something to _show_ you.” Adrien pulled out his phone and held it up with a grin. “Ta-daa!”

Marinette gasped involuntarily and her stomach dropped.

Displayed on Adrien’s phone was a picture of him and a cute girl kissing his cheek.

“Is that..?” Nino began, losing his words as he and Alya both glanced nervously at her. 

Adrien beamed. “My girlfriend.” 

Marinette felt her heart break into a million pieces at his words.

_Girlfriend._

_Girlfriend._

_Adrien’s girlfriend!?_

A nudge from Alya brought her back. She forced a smile to her lips.

“Congratulations, Adrien.” 

His grin grew even bigger. “Thank you, Mari.” 

Alya and Nino congratulated him as well, while Marinette sunk back into her shocked thoughts. 

_When? How? What?_

Somewhat realizing Nino had asked these question aloud, she forced herself to listen. Even if every word broke her heart a little more.

“I didn’t even know you liked someone?” Nino pouted to his best friend.

Adrien smiled sheepishly.

“Well, I was going to tell you but somehow things always got in the way. Sorry.” 

His eyes turned dreamy, Marinette’s heart breaking even more, as he continued. 

“I’ve been going to.. a place.. the last eight months or so.” 

He held up a hand to stop Nino before he could speak. 

“And I didn’t tell you because this was something I had to do for myself.” He smiled apologetically. 

“I went sort of incognito to their.. gaming night.. every week and there was this girl that I quickly became friends with.” His smile turned wistful again. 

“She’s amazing. So kind and beautiful, both inside and out. Her humor is the best and we always have so much fun together. She figured me out within two months but she never treated me any different because of who my father is.” 

He grinned. “Like you guys.” 

“Anyway we started spending more time together outside the.. gaming nights.. and I don’t know... it just happened. I fell in love with her and she with me and here we are.” 

Marinette didn’t know what to say. 

How had that girl managed to spend time with Adrien? He barely had time for her and the others. 

He’d prioritized _a girl he’d just met_ over his best friends? 

She felt anger start to boil under her skin. 

The nerve of this girl. She had stolen Adrien from her. She was sure to be a gold digger just waiting to use him. Marinette felt sure of it. 

_No. No stop it Marinette._ Her inner voice if reason told her, sounding suspiciously similar to Tikki.

_You’re just jealous that this girl beat you to it. She’s probably a nice girl. Adrien may be dense but he’s not stupid._

Alya’s voice interrupted her thoughts. 

“Not to sound jealous or anything but how did you manage to convince your dad to let you hang out with her? You barely get to meet us twice a month.”

Nino nodded, looking thoroughly jealous. 

Adrien held up his hands to calm them down. 

“My schedule didn’t change much. If anything I have less time than before because of studies for le bac.” The dreamy smile was back. “But she rearranged her own schedule so that she could accompany me for mine. She even started taking Chinese and piano lessons so that we could practice together.” 

Marinette was dumbstruck. Why hadn’t she thought of that? This girl was smart! 

“And she must have magic or something because she won over my dad within their first two encounters.” He laughed happily. 

Marinette felt her jealousy rise again, but it was quickly trampled by disappointment and heartbreak. 

She could never have done that. 

_Guess I’m not good enough after all._

She quickly excused herself, lying about being needed in the bakery. It was obvious two of her friends saw straight through the lie, judging from their sympathetic eyes. She congratulated Adrien again, smiling softly while trying to hold in the tears threatening to fall. 

Once outside she quickly ducked into a alleyway and opened her pouch, letting Tikki out. 

“I’m so sorry, Marinette.” The kwami said, hugging her cheek. 

Marinette let out a watery laugh. 

“Who was I to ever think I would have a chance? I was never an option for him. And here I thought we’d grown closer lately.” 

She sagged down against the wall and buried her head in her arms.

“I was going to ask him out.” She sobbed. 

“And he’s been seeing someone else _for months_.”

Why wasn’t she good enough for him?

“MARINETTE!” Tikki suddenly screamed. 

Marinette looked up and realized with horror that a butterfly was descending towards her. Without thinking, she transformed and snatched the purple insect with her yo-yo, soon releasing it’s purified form. 

Ladybug turned her eyes to the sky and closed them with a sigh, tears trailing down her cheeks.

_That was too close._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry? I feel for her but sometimes ‘you snooze you loose’ is very true. 
> 
> ————
> 
> I’ve been having difficulty finding time to write lately but I’m doing my best to not take too long between chapters. I’m doing two multi-chapter stories at the moment so I think I’ll try to alternate between them when posting. The goal is one chapter per week but with two little kids you never know.. :)


	4. A Moonlit encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien cuddles with his girlfriend.

Adrien snuggled closer to his girlfriend underneath the blanket they were currently sharing on his couch, his face burring into her long, curly dark hair. She smelled like home. He smiled into her hair, letting out a content sigh as Lucille giggled at his antics. 

Movie night was definitely the highlight of Adrien’s week. The one evening his father had agreed to clear off his schedule every week as well as letting her stay over, though she was _supposed_ to sleep in a separate room. 

“You never told me how it went today.” Lucille asked as the end credits started rolling. 

Adrien smiled as he turned off the tv. “Curious if my friends approve?” 

She pouted. “Well, yes. Duh.” 

“They congratulated me so you’re good. ” He chuckled as he pulled her in for a kiss. She didn’t resist him but ended the kiss too soon for his taste.

“Did you tell them how we met?” 

Adrien cringed. 

“Sort of.”

“Sort of?” His girlfriend smirked, her eyebrow raised questioningly. 

“Let me guess. You chickened out.”

Adrien scratched his neck, looking apologetically at her.

“I just don’t know how to tell them the whole story yet.”

She kissed his cheek. 

“True friends won’t judge you, you know.” 

“I know. But it’s still scary.” 

She smiled and kissed him again, this time a peck on the mouth.

“I get it. I was the same.” 

Adrien sighed, deciding he would tell them next time they all met up. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully?

“This is why you are the best you know..” 

He started, as he turned fully towards his girlfriend. 

She stared up at him with her hazel eye, looking both curious and expectant. He carefully placed a stray lock of her auburn hair behind her ear. 

“You always speak your mind.” 

He shifted so that he was leaning over her, making her lean back on the couch. 

“You challenge me.” 

He trailed kisses up her arm, reveling in the giggles escaping her. 

“You let me know when I mess up.”

He slowly climbed upward until he was hovering above her on his arms. Her eyes were dark with desire, taking his breath away.

“And you can’t get enough of me.” He smirked. 

She gasped as if offended but her smile was sly. Slowly, she put one arm around his neck, then the other.

“Then what are you waiting for?” She purred into his ear.

Adrien glanced at her inviting lips, slowing leaning down.

“As much as I hate to disturb you..” a squeaky voice, dripping with sarcasm, piped up from above them. Adrien collapses on Lucille as they both let out frustrated sighs. 

“What is it Plagg?” Adrien all but growled. 

“You got a message from Ladybug and it seemed urgent.” 

Adrien looked up at his kwami, realizing he wasn’t joking.

“Oh. Ok.” 

They both got up and Adrien kissed his girlfriend on the cheek. 

“Sorry, Catnip.”

“Don’t worry about it Kit-Cat. Go be a hero. I have to go to bed anyway since I have that interview tomorrow.”

He grinned at her.

“You’re the best.” 

“So I’ve been told.” She grinned back. 

She sauntered towards the door, throwing a wink and a blow kiss over the shoulder. 

“The things I have to put up with.” Plagg rolled his eyes as he was sucked in to the ring. 

————————

Chat ran over the rooftops, enjoying the cool night air, but at the same time worrying about what might be wrong. Ladybug’s message had been short, only requesting that he meet up with her at their usual spot as soon as possible.

After not too long, he landed gracefully on one of the beams near the top of the Eiffel Tower. She was already there, her back to him.

“Evening, Ladybug. I got you message. What..” his voice trailed off as she turned around, revealing puffy, red eyes still brimmed with tears. 

Without thinking he grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. She gasped from surprise but soon her arms had trailed across his back to return the hug.

“What’s wrong, Spots?”

She shook her head against his chest, letting out broken sobs. 

“Too much...” She whispered.

That only made him more worried. 

What had happened to his dear bug?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all; thank you for your patience! I’ve finally found some time to write 🙌 I have some ideas for where to take this but nothing is set in stone so we’ll see what happens 🤗


	5. Midnight Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug and Chat Noir talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wohoo another chapter done! 🙌
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of attempted suicide. No details.**

As her sobs quieted down, Ladybug slowly became aware of Chat making random figures on her back as he was soothing her. A cat, a bunny, a cloud, a hamster? She smiled against his chest. It was just like her partner to know exactly how to make her smile. And she loved him for it.  
Even if he would never love her _like that_ again. 

And now she’d lost Adrien too. The two boys, who’d somehow both stolen her heart, were taken and she was all alone. 

_No one loves me._

A sneeze shocked her out of her darkening thoughts. 

Not wanting to attract a third butterfly for the evening, she pushed down all her self-doubt and focused on the present. Chat’s breathing. In. Out. In. Out. In. Sneeze. 

Was he coming down with a cold? 

Realizing where they were and how late it was, she quickly let go, hands scrubbing furiously at her face to remove the evidence of crying. It was a futile attempt, but still.

“S-sorry, Chat.”

Her partner put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes, his eyesbrows in a worried frown. 

“What happened, Ladybug?” His voice was serious and concerned. 

“And don’t tell me it’s nothing when it clearly isn’t.” He added as she looked to the side. 

_How is it that he knows me so well?_

She sighed.

“It’s got to do with my civilian life. But in essence; the boy I like, the one I have liked for a very, very long time, got a girlfriend.” 

She shrugged. 

“I thought we’d been getting closer lately but I guess I wasn’t good enough. Never was.” 

“NOT GOOD ENOUGH?!” Chat suddenly exclaimed. 

Startled, Ladybug stared at her partner, not used to him raising his voice. 

Seemingly realizing he’d shouted, Chat lowered his voice as he continued, holding both her arms and looking straight into her eyes. 

“You are ‘good enough’. Always has been and always will be.”

“Thank you, Chat.” She gave him a small smile, her cheeks tinted pink. “You’re a good friend.”

He grinned at her before growing serious again. 

“I don’t want you to drown in negative thoughts like self-doubt. It’s really hard to love yourself again if you let it go too far, you know.” He whispered.

Her heart dropped, pushing away all of her own problems. Why did it sound like he knows exactly how that feels?

“Chat?” 

He must have noticed the change in her because he sighed and sat down on a beam, looking out over the city. 

“I was in a really dark place for a while.” He began before he interrupted himself with crooked smile and hesitant eyes. 

“I don’t want to make this about me. You’re the one who was crying.” 

She quietly sat down next to him, their sides almost touching. 

“I won’t force you to tell me, you know that. Though I hear shared sadness is halved sadness so maybe we can be sad together?” 

Chat chuckled before his eyes wandered off and were lost in memories as he continued.

“My home life haven’t been very easy growing up. I was rarely allowed outside to play and I only had one kid I could call friend. Some would say I was blessed since my father is quite wealthy, but I never wanted things money can buy. After my mother... um, died... my father he... grew distant I guess you could say. Hugs were never really his thing anyway but without mother there to remind, or more like force him, he forgot to treat me like a son and I became more like an employee or something.” Chat laughed darkly. 

Ladybug clenched her jaw to stop herself from reacting, while her insides were screaming and wanting to punch the one causing her partner to feel like this. 

_But wait, why does this sound familiar?_ Though she pushed the thought away as he continued. 

“I didn’t even know how bad it had gotten until I forced him to let me go to school and I saw how other kids interacted with their parents. Hugs, kisses, hearing ‘I love you’... Things I had forgotten were part of everyday life for most people.”

“On top of that I had these ridiculous expectations placed on me, forcing me to behave a certain way. Not to mention a superhero persona to be.”

He shook his head and sighed again. 

“I was so busy being perfect for everyone else, or rebelling against perfection, that I forgot to be myself.”

His green eyes met her blue ones. 

“It got so bad that I almost killed myself.” 

A gasp escaped her as she clapped her hands over her mouth in surprise and horror. 

He nodded solemnly.

“The only reason I’m alive is because of my kwami. He saved me.” 

He rubbed the back of his head while giving her a sheepish smile. 

“After that he smacked me on the head for ‘being an idiot’.” 

Not knowing what to do, Ladybug threw her arms around her partner and hugged him tightly. 

She felt him stiffen at the sudden assault but he quickly relaxed and patted her back. 

“I’m ok now, LB.” 

Ladybug shook her head against his chest, emotions crushing her heart.

“I can’t believe I almost lost you, without even knowing.” She whispered, still not letting go. “I’m so sorry.” 

Chat’s eyes widened with surprise.

“Why? You didn’t do anything.”

Ladybug felt her insides screaming, her heart brimming with guilt and anger at herself. How had she not seen this amazing wonderful person when they were younger? Why had she insisted on secret identities? Why had she been so stubborn? So stupid? 

“Exactly! I never let you in, never let you feel like you could talk to me about anything. That’s what friends do! I’m not worthy to call you my best friend!” 

“Woah slow down Bug.” Chat grabbed her arms and forced her to meet his eyes. 

“It’s not your fault.” His gaze burned hot, causing her heart to flutter with a different emotion. 

“O-ok.” She managed, before hiding her blushing cheeks between her arms. Luckily Chat seemed to think she was hiding to calm down, when her hear was doing the opposite. 

_Bad heart! We’ve been over this. It’s too complicated. Too dangerous. And I had my chance. He doesn’t see me that way anymore anyway. Gah! Why do I always fall for the unattainable?!_

They sat quiet for a moment before her heart slowed its pace. 

“Plagg really hit you?” She asked with with a quiet voice, glancing out from her arms.

“Yep.” Chat answered, popping the p. 

Ladybug snorted. Then she bumped his shoulder before taking his hand and giving it a squeeze.

“You are one of my dearest friends, Chat. So _please_ talk to me if you ever need to.” 

A happy grin spread in his face. 

“Thanks, LB. ”

Then he shrugged.

“Anyhow, after all of that I realized I needed to do something and I started going to group therapy sessions. They helped me sort everything out and I’m mostly fine now.” 

His smile turned wistful as he looked out over the twinkling lights of the city.

“And I met Lucille.”

The words where a mere whisper, perhaps he hadn’t even meant for them to escape.

“Lucille?” The name was out of her mouth before she thought to stop it.

Chat cringed and scratched his neck. 

“Right! I forgot to tell you, but I have a girlfriend now and she’s amazing. But... ehh...well, she kind of... sort of... eh...accidentally found out my identity?”

Oh. _Oh._

He might’ve as well have cataclysmed her heart. With one sentence he destroyed what was left of it. 

Standing up abruptly, she scrambled out a plausible excuse and fled, leaving Chat calling after her. 

The wind attacked her face, forcing the fresh tears to stream backwards into her hair. Inside her mind, a million pieces clicked together at the same time, leaving her heart screaming of agony.

There was no mistaking the facts. Everything he’d told her about himself matched. His personality matched. His looks matched. Even the name of his girlfriend. 

It was _him._

It had always been _him_.

Ladybug crashed down in the park next to her house, not even feeling the physical pain though she’d de-transformed before landing. Her heart was tearing her apart with guilt and heartbreak.

She’d hurt _him_. 

She’d rejected _him_. 

_But so did he._ A voice reminded her. _He idolized you, proclaimed his so-called love for you. And yet, he did not see_ you.

Realization dawned on Marinette as she recognized the voice. She thought to struggle but her aching heart, torn by heartbreak, guilt, grief and anger longed for relief. Her will wavered. Would it really be so bad not to be ‘good’ for once?

Carefully, she removed the earrings and hid them in her purse, ignoring the knowing and sympathetic looks from her kwami. 

_Let me help you, L’âme sœur, to make him realize who his true love should be._

Marinette threw the purse into the nearest bush and closed her eyes, letting the last tears fall.

Her lips moved with a determined whisper.

“Yes, Hawkmoth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L’âme sœur (French) = The Soulmate
> 
> Twists and more angst coming up! Not to mention a battle with the latest akuma. Maybe some fluff? Stay tuned! Stay awesome! ☀️


	6. Troublesome times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chat is racing after Ladybug as he stumbles across a friend in need of rescue.

Panting breaths and his beating heart drowned out all sound as Chat raced to catch up with his partner.

_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_

He wanted to hit his head against a brick wall for being such an idiot. 

_I should have told her right away. Why did I wait? Why did I have to tell her tonight? She was already upset enough!_

Sensing Plagg stir in his mind, he picked up speed. 

_Please don’t let it be too late!_

————————

“Marinette! Don’t listen to him!” A worried voice called out.

Chat’s ears twitched at the familiar name. 

_Mari?_

Rounding a chimney and jumping over a rooftop, he stopped just above the park next to his friends house. 

There she was, head lowered, not noticing someone shaking her shoulders. Chat had two seconds to wonder what Luka was doing here in the middle of the night, before he heard her whisper.

“Yes, Hawkmoth.”

As dark purple bubbles engulfed her, Chat heart dropped. First Ladybug and now Marinette? What had happened to the two most optimistic people he knew? 

She emerged from the bubbles donning a white babydoll dress with pink hearts scattered across the bodice. Chat barely had time to register that her hair had lost the usual dark hue and was now striped white and pink, before she dissolved into a mist. 

_Not this again..._ He groaned internally. Disappearing akuma were always a pain to catch. 

He scanned the rooftops and his ears strained to hear alarms or shouting, the usual signs of an akuma going after the public. 

“Looking for me?” A sweet voice whispered into his ear. 

He turned around, swinging his baton as he did. The akuma cackled as she easily dodged his attach by gliding underneath his baton. 

“Now now, no need to be grumpy, cutie-pie.” She taunted with that annoyingly sweet voice as she continued to dodge his attacks. 

“Don’t you want to know..?” 

“Know what?” He growled back, frustration growing quickly as she disappeared again.

“Who you soulmate is.” Another whisper close to his ear, followed by a peck on his cheek. 

_D-did she just..?_ He barely had time to register the touch before everything went white. Well, except for the face smiling at him with beautiful hair, pink cheeks and glittering eyes..

The image then quickly dissipated as a red gloved hand waved in front of his eyes.

“Chat Noir? Are you still with me?”

A shiver ran down his spine and he shook the tingle off. Closing his eyes for a second to regain his bearings, he focused on his partner and realized;

“You’re not Ladybug.”

The person in front of him was very clearly NOT his partner as first of all; he was male. 

“I’m Beetle. Nice to meet you Chat Noir.” The new guy held out his hand with a smile.

Chat looked at him with suspicion and didn’t move to take the hand offered to him.

“Where’s Ladybug?” He all by growled. 

Beetle sighed and retrieved his hand. 

“Relax, I didn’t steal her miraculous if that’s what you’re thinking. Ladybug needed a break due to something in her personal life so I’m just filling in for today.” 

Remembering the state of his partner that he’d been chasing before the akuma, it sounded plausible but why would she give away her own miraculous instead of getting this guy another one? It didn’t make sense!

Beetle took out his yo-yo and looked towards the sound of faraway sirens.

“Look, as much as I understand your concern, I think we should focus on the task at hand. I think the akuma calls herself The Soulmate and she seems to be kissing people as well as being able to turn into a sort of mist .”

Beetle shrugged.

“I don’t know what the kiss does though as most seem happy afterward but others are horrified or starts to cry.”

Chat nodded and readied his baton.

“After you.” 

As Beetle zipped away, Chat followed. They had an akuma to catch and a friend to save.

————————————

The battle had been intense and even with the miraculous cure, Chat was sore all over.

He landed in his room right as his timer gave off its final warning and he transformed back, flinching with every move.

“Well, that could’ve gone better.” Plagg zoomed across the room to his cheese stash. 

“Don’t.” Adrien warned.

“I mean come on you were all over the place, she totally kicked your butt and you got kissed so many times. Lucky for you that Beetle guy seemed to quickly adapt to his powers or you would’ve been toast.”

“Don’t remind me.” Adrien groaned and plopped down face first on the bed. 

“And then he defeated her almost singlehandedly. 

“I said don’t remind me!” He growled and picked up his pillow to throw at his kwami. 

Plagg, for once, quieted and munched away on his cheese, leaving Adrien to sink into a semi-conscious state thinking about the complicated thing that were his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this chapter is short and a bit messy. Tbh it was really hard to write and this came out ok and I’ll just leave it at that and move on to the next chapter..

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to hear your thoughts<3
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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